well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
