I wish I could teleport
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize