I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
