Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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