She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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