I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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