Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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