3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
