it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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