Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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