It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
