Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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