JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
