the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
