yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
