Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
