the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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