Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
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He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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