Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
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It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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