We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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