I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
