I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday