i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
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Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
YAS. BRING CRAB.