I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.