i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
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Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
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my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something