No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
