Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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