He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
