Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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