why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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