so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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