One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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