Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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