Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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