Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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