You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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