I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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