Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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