I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I AM VODKA MAN
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize