Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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