On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you will always have a special place in my vag
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
