all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
