I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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