You're so nebulous sometimes
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
