Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
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Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize