It's like God shit irony all over that family
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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