Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
