I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
