Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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