Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
