If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
sex in a hospital.. check
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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