my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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