The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
