We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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